As of today, I am officially 9 days from being married, which honestly, has been the first time so far that I’ve been nervous. It isn’t so much that I’m nervous about the marriage, about Abbie, about being a husband, a provider, a father (one day) or anything of that sort, but rather, it’s more the day of, the being in the spotlight, the being in front of 150 odd people, all of whom are staring at us–that there’s what does it.
You’d think I’d be more prepared by this point what with our having gotten engaged six months ago, but I don’t think I ever thought this day would come, not really anyways. Marriage always seemed like the set of days far off in the distance, the set of days for adults, with bills and mortgages, college funds and suburban lawnmowers; it never seemed like a day, when I really thought about it, that would be here soon. But it will. Two weeks from today, we’ll be driving home from our honeymoon and married life will begin, two weeks from today.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m stoked, but gosh, do I feel unprepared. I don’t imagine there’s a married couple alive that knew what they were getting into when they set foot into marriage, and I doubt that any one of those couples would argue after this long that they have it all together now. As unprepared as I feel, marriage doesn’t strike me as the commitment that you ever feel entirely prepared for. The same seems true for children too, and new careers. It’s something that, if it’s right, you know it, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying. You just know that it’s worth the pursuit, worth the nervousness, worth the time spent trying to better understand it, and the frustration in knowing you never quite will.
That’s marriage for you, which I am currently less than 10 days from being a part of; it is absolutely terrifying, but also very exciting, in a way that only marriage can be.