The last few weeks have been a little strange I’d say, not because of any one thing, but because of everything. When your life takes a turn–albeit a planned, expected and wondrous turn such as you might find with moving out and marriage–it takes some adjusting, some settling in. Though–as is true with our case–my wife and I are largely not busy, meaning neither of us are working full-time jobs, neither of us have big projects on our plate, I’ve had a difficult time writing anything really noteworthy or new. I find myself scrolling back through old blogposts, marveling at my thoughts, my words, and wondering how I could ever do it again.
I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that marriage remains unfamiliar and strange. I haven’t developed a rhythm yet, my schedule is virtually nonexistent, and I’ve fallen away, since having left college, from being able to create when things are different, in favor, instead, of only when comfortable. The same space breeds creativity, so does the same schedule, for some, and when things in life shift, as they do when you get married, it can take a little while for everything to become familiar like they were just before.
Some of what has made it so difficult to write too has been my nothing new of note. A great deal of what gave me inspiration to write were the people I met in the coffee shop. Maybe it was someone that was extraordinarily rude or someone with a thought that was different than my own, but regardless–it made for good material for me to take back and tickky-tack away on. I see those same people if I stop in the coffee shop, and plenty more strange ones if I go to the mall (it’s Christmas, let’s face it–everyone is a strange one), but it’s different, the context is different now too–I’m not interacting with them the way I did.
I don’t mind it though. I know in reading something like this it may leave you with the impression that I wish things hadn’t changed, that I wished things weren’t unfamiliar, weren’t strange, or different, but rather the old same thing, but that isn’t true. I truly love the way that things have shifted. It scares me, but I love it, and I’m entirely confident that the different will become familiar before I even know it.
It takes time when big changes happen and big choices are made and life moves forward to adjust. That isn’t a bad thing, it’s good–if it scares you, it’s worth it. But for the sake of this blog, I truly pray that I revert back to my college writing self, on a couch, in the commons, with a hoodie and headphones, pounding out a paper with tons of chaos around me as if none of it were there at all. It would certainly make writing easier, for sure, but thank God I’m not still in college.